Bikini Season, Body Shaming, and Other Stupidities

Bikini season is coming!

We know what that means… Lots of bikini/ fitness/ diet Pinterest boards leaving people feeling horrible about themselves. Article titles like, “How to get ‘bikini ready”. Or, articles about kale smoothies and how good they taste and while you’re at it,you should exercise like 18,000 calories a day. Pictures of “best/ worst” celeb bikini bodies. It’s already begun with “shocking” pictures of Tara Reid in a bikini and talk show hosts telling Kelly Clarkson she “could stay off the deep dish pizza” after she… gained weight (WHAT!!!!) after having a baby (um, you’re supposed to lose that weight in 2 weeks, maybe less, everyone knows that *heavy sarcasm*).

I don’t know what is more sad: 1) That a bunch of tabloid dipshits judge and mock people’s bodies, how much they eat, and their weight struggles/ triumphs/ how they’re “letting themselves go,” or 2) That somehow these magazines are selling! People are reading articles by said dipshits.

I just have to ask: What is this world?

What kind of weird society do we live in that deems terms like “fat,” “dessert,” “seconds,” and “full” shameful? What is so disgusting about women’s bodies? Side note: my focus for this post will be about body shaming women because I am one and have more to say on the topic, but men are also victims of body shaming.

All of the mean twitter posts… the cyber bullying… the incessant fat shaming… WHY? The stigmatizing body shaming comments casually zinged about, they hurt. We may not acknowledge that body shaming comments hurt inside, but they do.

Body shaming hurts.

There is endless interpersonal and internalized shame about what we look like– that number on the scale what we eat what we don’t.

Culture tells us appearance defines our worth.

People are ashamed of their own bodies, and then collectively, we shame the body of others. With all this body shaming going around, it is no wonder that the diet industry is so prominent. And here’s where things get more disturbing. In 2014, the U.S. diet industry raked in $60.5 billion. More disturbing yet: that astronomical number is a DECLINE from the year before.

This video is a good visual of how much $1 billion really is. So take that video’s visual and try to wrap your mind around $60.5 billion. This is, by any standard, a lot of money. How many social ills that much money could solve in the world? Water sanitation, poverty, racial, sexual, policy to promote gender equality, and so much more! Maybe we could even put a dent in the United States’ massive debt.

Let’s just sit here for a moment and realize how fucked up this all us.

People are spending more money than the GDP of many countries on diets that become popular and unpopular as fast as hashtags or the latest in social media… Atkins is old school (the N’Sync of diets), but kale is in (the Taylor Swift of food). People are going Paleo, organic, and gluten free. Egg white omelettes are the new black. Diet pills remain comparable to the quirky and questionable relative at many family gatherings. Constantly changing options for people who are essentially wasting their money considering that DIETS DON’T WORK!!

Body insecurity is a given in today’s culture. Between 40 and 60% of young girls ages 6-12 are already expressing concern about their weight or are worried about being fat. The body-shame cycle starts so young. The same girls memorizing Let It Go and wearing Elsa costumes around the house might be considering going on their first diet. Maybe they already have.

In our culture, we are not at peace with our bodies, and how can we be with all this propaganda and equating body size and looks to worthiness? We think, maybe that next fad diet will make us enough. Maybe, then, we can feel okay and good about ourselves. Maybe, then, we’ll be worthy.

I follow an Instagram page called “Bye Felipe” which was created to call “out dudes who turn hostile when rejected or ignored.” The site usually focuses on people who are interacting on dating web sites. You can see for yourself the number of fat-shaming comments doled out to girls on this page. It is horrifying to open up my Instagram and seeing how guys degrade women by playing on body insecurities and playing the “fat” card.

These comments hurt, and they are dangerous.

So here is my message, and I wish I could put this in size 200 font:

LET’S PUT DOWN THE SWORDS.

Let’s stop shaming ourselves and others about the way they look.

Let’s treat our bodies with acceptance and compassion.

Let’s humanize each other’s bodies. Let’s humanize our own bodies.

Do we have body flaws and faults? Do some people need to gain or lose weight? A resounding yes. But can that be okay? Are we still worthy? An equal and resounding yes. It is possible to take care of our body struggles with a posture of love and self-care.

When people talk about how so-and-so is too thin/ skinny/ fat; what’s with her butt/ boobs/ nose/ ears/ mouth/ teeth/ hair, they don’t know who they’re affecting. Little girls (AND little boys) see the disgusting way people are body-shamed, and we’re breeding new generations of body-shamers.

An app exists in which you can “fit the fat girl crown”, and there was an app (thankfully it was TAKEN DOWN) that was designed to “rescue the anorexic girl.” All this when some reports suggest that incidences of eating disorders may be on the rise.

Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.

You don’t know what the person across the street or next to you or in the cubicle over from you is dealing with, body-wise or life-wise. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Often you know nothing about it, and it is better to be KIND and COMPASSIONATE, rather than shaming and potentially triggering. This spring marks the 14th year of my eating disorder, and frankly, I think people have to mind their own fucking business. I realize this does not sound kind, but one negative comment can set off a slip or relapse or a passive-aggressive text to my therapist about how much I hate her guts. NO ONE wants to hear a passive aggressive, “Do you really need that slice of cake?”, or, “Wow you look huge in that picture!” And especially not someone who has struggled with an eating disorder.

PUT DOWN THE SWORD.

So in conjunction with this blog post’s title, I’m going to tell you a secret about bikini season. Here is how to have a bikini body:

People are at war with their own bodies and the bodies of others. It is a war that no one will win, but there will be many casualties.

So, in sum: be kind, compassionate, and please:

The 25th Anniversary of The Little Mermaid and The Demise of Mark Driscoll

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I know, how could I possibly pair seemingly unrealistic topics of my childhood favorite Disney movie and Mark Driscoll? Continue reading. It shall all make sense in due time.

My blogging rants have previously spanned to the topics of Mark Driscoll and Disney (e.g., here, here, and here).

In the last few months, a lot has gone on in the world of Mark Driscoll (MD) and Mars Hill, Driscoll’s Seattle-base mega-church. While the purpose of this blog post is not to summarize what all has transpired, I will catch you up to speed here:

The quick summary: Shit went down. MD resigned and Mars Hill has disbanded.

The longer summary: The trouble started when MD got into some trouble regarding posts he made 14 years ago under the pseudonym of William Wallace II to attack “emerging-church-type feminists and liberals.” Why this happened to resurface after 14 years I have no idea, as Driscoll’s last year has hardly been clean, including controversies with possible plagiarism and allegations of paying off NYT best-sellers list. Somehow, the conglomeration of controversy spiraled in the last few months and resulted in the following: Acts 29, the church-planting organization Driscoll himself started, kicked out Mars Hill from its organization (major burn to MD) –> MD resigned from Mars Hill, saying he didn’t want to take away from the church mission, yada yada –> Mars Hill chose to disband.

This is HUGE in evangelicalism.

HUGE.

MD has been (with some exceptions) America’s evangelical, manly-man, neo-Reformed, social-media-savvy sweetheart. He captured the lives and hearts of thousands of Mars Hill goers. I myself, as I admitted in previous MD posts, used to listen to his podcasts. He is a captive speaker, quick with words, quick-witted, and relevant. Churches were planted. Good things happened. I do not want to negate the good things.

Do I believe that MD loves Jesus? I think that he does.

Do I think that MD bettered the city of Seattle and beyond? I think he did.

Now onto why I’m really writing about this story.

I am going to try really hard not to kick MD when he’s down. MD has long been controversial, and specifically what gets me going, are his homophobic and sexist comments that have been plentiful and sadly influential. Anyone who mocks effeminate worship leaders on Twitter is going to get a mouthful from me.

I saw the way this impacted others. Attending a Mars Hill campus in person in 2011, I was horrified to find every other woman pregnant and blonde and gorgeous. Every guy was ripped and strangely Driscoll-like in physical appearance. Everyone was white.

My own church when I lived in California preached out of MD’s book Real Marriage, a book filled with questionable antidotes such as one regarding a woman’s haircut pleasing her husband. This was the book also associated with a  plagiarism/ NYT best-sellers list scandal.

When MD resigned, Mars Hill leadership wrote the following: “Pastor Mark has never been charged with any immorality, illegality or heresy. Most of the charges involved attitudes and behaviors reflected by a domineering style of leadership.”

Uh…….?

How exactly are we defining immorality?

What is to be said for so many previous MD followers in therapy from attending Mars Hill and being subjected to degrading “church discipline” for being, for instance, a stay at home dad!!!! (GASP)?

What is to be said for the numerous controversial, hurtful comments that MD has said via Twitter or in personal conversations?

Those are moral because… MD believes that Jesus is God? And his doctrine is in line with certain standards?

Rachel Held Evans, in a typically eloquent post on Facebook yesterday, wrote the following:

It surprises me sometimes how people who are cruel and unkind get a pass on rude behavior from Christians because “at least their theology is sound.” But your theology is only as sound as the fruit of the Spirit it produces. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control – both Jesus and the apostle Paul taught that THESE are the things to look for when assessing whether someone is preaching the true gospel or a false one. I am so much more inclined to listen and learn from a teacher who exhibits these traits than those who may be highly credentialed whose fruit is bitter.

I think we as the church need to take a long, hard look at what fruit we are producing and the ramifications it has on others. There is this archaic idea that heresy means what you believe or cheating on your wife. I think this blog gets it. At the end of it, the writer, Kristen Howerton, says:

“It’s time we examine the negative ramifications to long-standing microaggressions, misogyny, and verbal abuse as seriously as we would embezzling or sexual misconduct from a church leader.”

Exactly.

More later but first…

NOW ONTO THE LITTLE MERMAID. 

The 25th anniversary of everyone’s favorite classic was this week. Growing up, I was obsessed with Ariel, as was every late 80s-90s girl. I had my Ariel Halloween costume and Ariel dolls and barbies and Ariel EVERYTHING.

I LOVED THE LITTLE MERMAID. Who didn’t? Cute, clever, catchy, adorable. A success for Disney, a success for mankind.

It wasn’t until I saw this Second City clip several years ago that I got to thinking:

What messages was this movie really teaching me?

Maybe not the 1st… or 100th… or 1000th… time that I saw that movie at age 4 would I think differently, but I wonder… what kinds of things did I implicitly learn?

I wonder… what we would find if we did a study on young girls before and after watching The Little Mermaid? Specifically, I wonder whether we would find that little girls are less likely to want to be a woman president or the effect a movie such as that would have on their ambitions and views of womanhood.

And as someone who has had an eating disorder for 13 years and is sensitive to weight-based discrimination, this movie is SO FRUSTRATING! Ariel is practically a mass-disseminated cartoon pro-ana figure, so much so that this PERFECT “Realistic Movie Trailer” renames the movie, The Little Waistline. And how fitting that the villain is a fat old woman. Perpetuating decades of stigma against older women and showing young girls that FAT IS BAD.

I read the host of perky articles that come out on the day that The Little Mermaid turned 25, and I tried to relive my childhood love of this movie. It didn’t work.

I know too much. I’ve been through too many years of therapy. I’ve battled too many companies selling pro-ana shirts, and we still haven’t had a woman president, and eating disorders are existing in unprecedented numbers. I have battled my entire life the voice that tells me to sell myself for society.

That started in childhood. THESE are the messages young girls get!!!!!

It’s not The Little Mermaid‘s fault, but does this movie perpetuate these messages, in my opinion? A resounding YES!

BRINGING IT TOGETHER

I told you I would bring it together. Now what could a middle-aged pastor from Seattle have to do with a movie about a mermaid?

Turns out, a lot (in my opinion).

Media, my friends, is an important thing. We are not untouched by what we fill our minds with; we are not untouched by what we watch or see or listen to or by the venues and organizations we attend.

Media is powerful, sometimes so subtle, you don’t realize how it’s slowly seeping into your consciousness, changing the way you see the world.

Both to Mark Driscoll and The Little Mermaid perpetuate some ugly stereotypes about the objectification of those who are different, whether it is those of different genders, sexual orientations, physical appearance, or anyone who you label as “the other.”

Sadly for evangelicals, Disney is stepping it up. Movies like Frozen and Brave are FAR (X 1000) better than movies like The Little Mermaid. I think Disney is learning their lesson. I am hopeful for today’s young girls, that they will be empowered to do WHATEVER it is they want to do, including achieving equal pay and other problematic society ills. I am hopeful that the movie Miss Representation and The Representation Project exist. I am hopeful because activist movie clips like THIS are going viral.

For evangelicals, I am not so sure. The oppression and discrimination of women and LGBTQ people is still prevalent is so many churches. And while The Little Mermaid turns 25 this year, MD JUST resigned. Apparently mocking stay-at-home dads and effeminate male worship leaders is still kosher in evangelicalism. So I guess the evangelical church is at least 25 years behind the rest of culture. Probably more than that.

I am not trying to be a hater, or promote a boycott of Disney/ Mark Driscoll. Like I admitted, I listened to Mark Driscoll. I loved (LOVED!!!!!!!!!) The Little Mermaid. If you like MD or old-school Disney movies, you know what, have fun. I will probably show my future daughter The Little Mermaid.

However, I think it’s well within my rights as a human to be critical of culture. I am in the field of mental health as a career, and I am an activist regarding body image, eating disorders, and gender-related concerns. And some of these things don’t sit well with me.

I am all too familiar with the scars that life leaves, and I am a fan of changing things so that people in the future can have a few less scars in life. So I’m going to leave you with the following thoughts:

For Disney lovers who show their little girls The Little Mermaid: If you must show your little girl this iconic movie, please have a discussion about it with her. She is SO much more than her body and selling and starving herself to please some hot dude (per the realistic movie trailer “white Aladdin”).

For evangelicals: Think before you preach, attend church, talk to others, and use the Bible to condemn. We need a movement based on love and acceptance, a movement that honors differences, and minimizes support groups needed for people in church. I mean GUYS how crazy is it that people should need to be in therapy or band together because of an oppressive church experience that leaves them feeling like scum. How much do you think Jesus is weeping because of that? MD’s popularity shows me how much we evangelicals are under the sea-– and many people don’t even know it.

Why The Biggest Loser Sucks… But Why It’s Way Worse Than That

I watched The Biggest Loser in its infancy. I remember Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper personal training the shit out of contestants, but pre-Jillian Michaels making 500 fitness DVDs. I might also note that I watched The Biggest Loser in the worst of my eating disorder. Watching a TV show centered on weight loss seemed like a natural outflow of systematically starving myself. In recovery, I was told that it wouldn’t be a good idea to watch something like that anymore. So I stopped. In fact, I stopped engaging in any pro weight-loss media. Much to my shock, I did not miss reading about what Nicole Ritchie ate for breakfast every day. Because, all those articles are basically the same when it comes down to it anyway. Frankly, I haven’t thought much about The Biggest Loser for several years.

… until yesterday. The internet has been blowing up with controversy about the last Biggest Loser winner, Rachel Frederickson, who went too far in her quest for weight loss. Not only did she win but she became unhealthily thin. People have been freaking out left and right. OMG this person on The Biggest Loser is too thin. She might even be anorexic. Has this gone too far?

I don’t disagree. Competitive dieting can for sure lead to anorexia. I know first hand. My own attempt at dieting resulted in a life-threatening eating disorder. I think that other articles that friends have posted (e.g. this one) have expressed that well. And yes, it is a horrible show. More on that later. I am not disputing any of this.

However, my response is more of a broader commentary on our culture, more along the lines of Carrie Arnold and my friend Lauren.

Why is this the first public outcry we’ve had about this show? Oh sure, let’s starve, shame, and publicly humiliate FIFTEEN SEASONS worth of people, and then when someone is considered too thin, “Oh, maybe that was a little too much.”

Does anybody else find this insanely ironic? Shaming public weigh in’s, people working out until they vomit or pass out, and verbal abuse by the hand of personal trainers for goodness knows how many people, and someone who wins gets too thin… and now it’s too far? The whole freaking point of the show is to lose as much weight as possible. Maybe there is not something wrong with Rachel and maybe something more wrong with the show, and more importantly, our culture.

It reminds me of tabloids. I see these things as I check out at the grocery store, and the stories are always the same: this person is too fat. They are overweight! Let’s have 20 unflattering pictures of them going to the grocery store. Then, actresses who might meet the criteria of anorexia have pregnancy rumors spreading because they drank some water or ate a piece of pizza. There is a very narrow window of pop culture satisfaction with a woman’s body. For the most part, all fat is a matter of repulsion to our modern media. BUT, when someone gets too thin, there is this surprising amount of mock alarm. This person is too thin, mass chaos ahhhhhh.

Our culture has a phobia of fatness. Anyone who is overweight is considered disgusting. That’s why we’ve created a reality TV show that gives them money for becoming “less lazy and more self-controlled” (note: public sentiment, not my own). When someone who is 350 pounds is publicly shamed, yelled at, and forced to vomit to get through a workout, that is acceptable to our modern American consciousness. So much so that it has been picked up for 15 seasons because of popular appeal of the show.

 And yet someone who ends up losing too much weight has gone too far, which is no longer appropriate, and the news story is so popular that is on the trending section of my Facebook page? It is such a weird double-standard. Once you get thin, you don’t deserve mockery and shaming anymore? That is too far. But if you’re “fat,” let the games begin. Vomit during your work out, if that’s what you need to do.

It is interesting how our culture legitimizes and makes value judgments about certain eating/ weight struggles. Anorexia has been in the public eye since the 1980s, but the newest eating disorder, Binge Eating Disorder (BED) is a relatively recent diagnosis (I mean it was recognized before by basically everyone in the field, but now a bunch of psychiatrists said it was legit, so now it’s officially legit). Binge Eating Disorder is thought to be the most prevalent eating disorder in the country. It affects 2.8% of people over the course of their lifetime and can often lead to obesity and other serious consequences such as death. While I haven’t watched The Biggest Loser in years, I would bet that some participants of the show have at some point struggled with this eating disorder.

As a part of eating disorder treatment, I hear over and over, Listen to your body. Love your body. Honor your body. Pretty sure that applies across the board. While I don’t specifically know best practices for treatment of BED, somehow I think that public shaming and fainting during dangerous work outs maybe are not the best strategies for treating a serious biopsychosocial disorder. People with BED can suffer with self-hatred and loathing at their propensity to eat, and behaviors can cycle. One eating disorder can be replaced with another. Are we really that surprised that someone went too far?

I am not trying to minimize the health ramifications of obesity. I understand that people can have serious health issues or prematurely die because of obesity. However, The Biggest Loser enterprise is not the right way to go about addressing this issue. Stigmatization and public shaming of people based on weight is never okay. Eating 500 calories, working out for 6 hours a day, and humiliation are never acceptable. It doesn’t matter what weight you are.

We need to take a step back and realize that the entire way that our culture views weight, eating, and exercise are deeply problematic. Can you imagine a country like France making a show like this? Neither can I. In this country, weight loss sells. Our diet industry rakes in $20 billion per year. So, the network produces season after season, and the abuse and shaming is never questioned.

 I feel badly for Rachel. I really do. I hope that she reaches a stable equilibrium. But Rachel is only one contestant– and victim– of this show. What about the other Biggest Loser contestants who “lose” the competition but develop harmful habits toward eating and exercise that might last a lifetime as a result of the show? Or they are self-conscious about their weight and feel ashamed for the duration of their lives? Yet, their unhealthy habits are discounted because they are not “thin enough” to warrant attention. No one makes stories that go viral about them.

I am concerned about Rachel, but I am also concerned about everyone else on this show, and frankly, I am concerned about the messages people get from watching it. And I am concerned that there are people whose voices are being ignored because they are not close enough to some cultural ideal. It reminds me of this Huffington Post article that was really eye opening to me. Jennifer Lawrence is applauded as a “body image hero,” and I mean, like the next person, I am enthusiastic about anyone who says, “If anybody even tries to whisper the word ‘diet,’ I’m like, ‘You can go fuck yourself.’ “

However, when I read the article, I realized that Jennifer Lawrence is a white, small Caucasian woman who meets a conventional standard for beauty, and she just happens to gloat about eating French fries. But– would a larger actress who says she likes eating be applauded as a body image hero? The author contrasts Lawrence with Melissa McCarthy, an actress with a different, bigger, body type. Melissa McCarthy is quoted saying, “I don’t know why I’m not thinner than I am.” What if Melissa McCarthy went on record saying that she loves French fries? Would there be gifs and tumblrs dedicated to her? Somehow, I don’t think so.

The author, Jenny Trout, wonders: “At what percentage of body fat does a woman earn the right to be a person?”

What is saddest to me about the whole Biggest Loser controversy is that this is what it takes for people to speak out. We should give attention and concern where attention and concern are due– this entire franchise. Rachel is not a far cry from what every other contestant has tried to do– lose as much weight as possible, and if you need to starve or almost kill yourself on the treadmill to do it, so be it.

This show is not okay, but in leaving the critique there, we are missing the public stigma and shaming associated with weight issues. We are missing the fact that millions of people are on their couches eating popcorn watching people almost kill themselves for a quarter of a million dollars. “You can never be too rich or too thin,” as the popular adage goes. The Biggest Loser attempts to handle both.

In my opinion, enough is enough. This show is a horrible outflow of our fat-phobic and paradoxical culture, and it is time that people stand up and call it out for what it is: Bullying. Shaming. Abusive. Unacceptable. It loses. And so do we.